halloween

Halloween party. SUPER fun. Haven't had that much fun in a long time. Seriously. Can't wait for the party next year.

I feel much better about our midterm now that I've gone and read through some other people's midterms. Seriously. Don't want to sound like an ass, but I will. Some of those midterms were just horrible. Like, not just horrible, but HORRIBLE.

Property. You're still a bitch.

Torts. You're coo, let's keep it that way.

Thank god there's at least one place that serves really good asian food. THANK GOD.

It's getting into November. Finals are right around the corner. Is it bad that I'm still not stressing out over it too much? I mean, I want to do well, but I think my consistent stage of non-stress may actually be a bad thing now. I'm not ripping my hair out one by one like some people here, but at the same time I feel like it's not helping that I feel damn near zero pressure to do stuff (I do do it, I just don't feel very much pressure of "I have to do it"). I don't know, maybe it is good. Eh, more to come.

property

Why o why are you so boring? I was quite behind in property, but am catching up now. I'm actually almost caught up (relative to where I was). Hopefully I'll be caught up by Monday. But seriously, why are you so boring property? Have I wronged you? Have I defaulted on a rent payment? Did I damage a chattel intentionally? Or even unintentionally? Why oh why are you punishing me so?

Civ Pro's ok. I've accepted the fact that I will probably not understand the reading until I show up for class and have him explain to me wtf I've been reading. So far, so good (I hope).

Torts. You were ok for a while, then you began to suck, but now you've gone back to being ok (even mildy entertaining), so we are on good terms again. I'm glad you did not quickly forsaken me like the way property did. Property was an evil bitch, making me love her for a few weeks then immediately turning her back on me, making me hate her. I shall remember this property, our future will not be pleasant.

OMG it was FREEZING in here. Good thing they just turned off the A/C and opened the door instead. Immediatly warmed up, esp since I was sitting right under the A/C vent.

On to the unpleasant topic. I've decided to cut back on my contact with her as much as I can stand. It's day one and it's helping. I've not thought about her nearly as much today as I have the last few weeks. Well, ok, that may be a lie, but at least my thoughts don't immediately make me sad. Which is good. Eh, whatever, I just need to go out and see the world more and hopefully meet someone who is, in fact, better than she was for me. If not, well, maybe we'll eventually end up together, maybe we won't. Either way, I'm going to try to not stress it so much anymore. Life, for this one short day, has been far more pleasant this way. God I hope this keeps up. But hell, we all know when she contacts me first for the day, I'll still have a smile on my face the size of those youtube guys when google bought them out for $1.6 (was it?) billion. GOOD GOD those guys couldn't stop smiling.

I miss

I miss the laughs we shared. The talks we had. The drives we took. The meals we ate. The music we listened to. The smile you brought to my face. The meals you prepared for me. The meals I prepared for you. Holding you. Your smile. Your kisses. In-N-Out. Driving over an hour to Davis so we could wait in line for another hour for some sushi. Bringing you lunch. Bringing you dinner. Picking you up at the airport. Fixing your computer. My sad attempts at running with you. Shopping with you (or, standing there while I hold the clothes you planned on trying on). Your calls at 3 in the morning asking me to go over because the wind was scaring you. Waking up next to you, thinking that there was nothing more beautiful in the world. I miss my best friend. I miss you.

Argh, so this is a part of what I do with an hour of down time. I still can't believe I worked about 40 hours on this assignment for a pass/not pass class over the last 3 days. On top of that, it's made me fall instantly behind in all my other classes since I've not had time to do any of those assignments. Bla. Seriously, bla.

legal research...

I figured out that I'm not so good at this legal research thing. I mean, I'm not very good at coming up with terms to search under. I'm not so good with finding relevant cases. I'm not so good with figuring out what I'm supposed to do in general for the assignment. I could probably list a ton more stuff that I'm not so good at, but I think I'll just leave it at I'm not good at a lot of this stuff.

Moving on, I'm quickly falling behind. Staying on top of things has been a struggle this week. Several significant outside factors have played a hell of a role (look in previous posts and you'll probably figure out what I'm talking about). I'm mostly (and I use that loosely) over it now. I still want her back, but I've accepted that there's not much I can do for at least a couple months since she's not exactly in the country. And her current boyfriend doesn't help either, but I'm going to say I'm good on that front. They've not been together that long and apparently have already been fighting a lot. He's a sucker, he just doesn't know it yet. Either way, what ever will happen will happen and I just have to wait a little bit longer before I can have a real talk with her.

Alright, need to go hit the books now. I'm rededicating myself to the cause. I need something to occupy my mind besides her and school seems like a decent replacement. Not optimum, but decent and decent is good.

why

Why does it hurt? Why does it bother me? It's been almost a year. It was my decision. So why now does it suddenly bother me so much? Could it be just the simple conversations? Did I just forget how easy it was to talk to her? How much fun we used to have? Or am I just starting to forget all the hurt and anger I was put through and finally starting to remember the good times again? Life was just so much better with her in my life than it is without. Life's just not right without her. That was true when we first decided to stop talking to each other, it was true a few months ago, and it's still true. It's so sad that I think the only time I've been truly happy with life was when she was in it, even when times were bad. At least she was there. I was just too stupid to realize it at the time. But despite all this, do I regret breaking it off? Not even a little bit. I needed time away from her to realize this. If that time away cost me having her at all, so be it. Only without her did I truly appreciate having her. Only without her did I learn how she should be treated. Now if only I'd get another chance to show her just how wonderful she really is. If I don't I really hope whoever she's with will do it for me. Even if I'm not the one that gets to see it, I'd be happy just knowing that she wakes up with a smile every morning. She deserves it. I just hope whichever tool she's with knows it too. If only I could be that tool, life would be right again.

God, I need to move on already...why's it so hard?

regrets

Midterms went alright I guess. We won't find out for a couple weeks so I'm just going to not think about it until then. Anything at this point is mere speculation.

Post midterm festivities, however, are spectacular. Everyone wants to get the tension of having our first graded (and counting) law school exam out of the way. In law school, that means alcohol (what else?).

Moving on to a completely separate subject I will leave vague. There are just things in life you do that you wish you could take back. It may not have seemed so horrible at the time, but the consequences of it may set into motion events that may forever screw (for lack of a better word) you. Some things are said you wish you could take back, unfortunately you can't. It's even worse when you find out that what you did is the cause of you dilema. I wish I'd never said what I did so many months ago. What seemed insignificant is now so significant. Can you move on? You can certainly try. Better yet, maybe there are things you can do to fix it. Will any of it work? Only time will tell.

omg

OMG...Midterms...Memos...Research assignments...so...busy...