why

Why does it hurt? Why does it bother me? It's been almost a year. It was my decision. So why now does it suddenly bother me so much? Could it be just the simple conversations? Did I just forget how easy it was to talk to her? How much fun we used to have? Or am I just starting to forget all the hurt and anger I was put through and finally starting to remember the good times again? Life was just so much better with her in my life than it is without. Life's just not right without her. That was true when we first decided to stop talking to each other, it was true a few months ago, and it's still true. It's so sad that I think the only time I've been truly happy with life was when she was in it, even when times were bad. At least she was there. I was just too stupid to realize it at the time. But despite all this, do I regret breaking it off? Not even a little bit. I needed time away from her to realize this. If that time away cost me having her at all, so be it. Only without her did I truly appreciate having her. Only without her did I learn how she should be treated. Now if only I'd get another chance to show her just how wonderful she really is. If I don't I really hope whoever she's with will do it for me. Even if I'm not the one that gets to see it, I'd be happy just knowing that she wakes up with a smile every morning. She deserves it. I just hope whichever tool she's with knows it too. If only I could be that tool, life would be right again.

God, I need to move on already...why's it so hard?